Into the light flying like a bird without good-bye

I want to share a story that touched my heart...I have worked for 5 years as voluntary samaritarian, and I can meet the darkness with presence, but that one made me think differently.

We do have a society for suicide survivals- aka familes etc. I was at a lecture there with a really nice doctor who is a busy anesthesiologist and he talked about dying. I saw several cases and learned how to meet death, and how they did it in their cancer hospital. He was such an inspiring lecturer. He said that he has never smiled so much as on the death bed. And the nicest way to do it is to do it with dignity. He also told how many people have no relatives who ever see them, and how he has had both cats and dogs from shelter in the hospital as their last wish to not be alone.

But it was on the "prevention of suicide awarenes day" annual forum, so I really was wondering why we were talking about death-help here. And surely half of the audience are not interested in the pain relief methods. Many have probably very hateful relationship to pills, and hospitals, those who lost their loved ones to OD's or bad psychiatric care.

And then suddenly he puts a slide of a young woman on the light-board. It was his daughter. Then he said, she is the reason I am here. I just wanted to tell first that death is not scary. What is scary is never to be able to say good bye.

And he told how he felt when his daughter jumped off the mountain in Bergen and her body was found 2 days later. He also said that he felt that his family was judged by professionals, but out of his 4 children only she was depressed. How he had the last wake to her etc. It was so touching and pure. He also played on his harmonics to tribute for her.

But I do understand that his message really was to actually understand that our children also have their choices. We can't blame on parents or society. She did not want to live when 23 and nothing or noone could have stopped her. And the one's who are left afterwords have it hardest, because they feel that they had failed somehow. And he told that he will always love her and remember exactly like that - smiling on the picture. That she had a strong will and spirit. And the went into the light flying like a bird...

Fatalia2005

I am You and You are me

We are on the journey to awakening

and even pain transforms into beauty...

In the crystalline light of new clarity arising

and love overwhelming every corner of shadows

We are unique and great and multifaceted

Not below or above, but in nowness

in the shining presence of ageless wisdom...

We may become who we really are-

the light of soul in total void of  darkness...

The sense of sweet aliveness of the beings of divine

The dance of life of non-duality with notes from polarity

The love of Self and will for truth being the Universal forces

on the road to timeless unity

and in this greater awareness

our souls embrace and we do get liberated

into the material of all and nothingness...

Only a heartbeat away and eons of presences behind

We created our uniqueness of our beingness...

I am in awe for our embodiment in the magnificient lightness

I am. You and You are Me ...
 
 
Fatalia 2008'

Have You found Your Rome? - part I

Since I am studying to become a creative couple worker or whatever it will be, I do tend to collect cute educations beside my straight jobs, because I am a creative woman, so then lately there are times I need to write for my thesis. Some of these writings are full of personal wonderments, as usual... Since I am a pretty clueless 67 model, divorced twice and in the 4th relationship and carrying inborn and breastfed narcissism, I will write every now and then, in my broken english since that's what I am supposed to write it for this purpose. But how can't I just click and paste from my drafts? Oh well. I will learn. So I will just start by writing it all over again- maybe it will get better by this, who knows. I have no dreams left about writing my bestseller anymore, but I never have even started, this can be it...

Have You heard the saying- every road leads to Rome. That has made me to think that maybe Rome is something that is our destination in life. And since it looks to be a winding and long road - I guess we don't really get there at once, so it is more like a tail and must be also a puzzle- since how can every road lead to one and the same. Even so there is a wonderful city called Rome, where I did enjoy the visit actually on my 41 st birthday and also some 10 years ago... I might be even brave enough to add a picture of me at the Trevi fountain-probably...

Well I was at Rome or in Rome and did what Romans do 2 years ago - but I did felt alone. I was staying there at Easters in Rome. Not like totally alone, I was with my 15 years old son, but it is not like the same. There is something about the city what is so romantic that it makes You dream about beautiful romances. It does not help sadly even to be checked up by few guys in a pub, much younger than myself for sure, or by your handsome or old italian waitress, who will get paid for his bella donna's. Also back in 2000 (I guess it was then, also in March, when I'm born) when I was first time in Rome in business trip I was also travelling alone. I got more bellas og amores then, being around 30 as we all can imagine blond and not paying even for them. So summa summaris being in Rome alone and newly separated, or divorced, or as single is not the road You were looking for all your life to find.

I will therefor call Rome a place You always want to be, but hardly ever find... I will come back to the point that Rome is the real paradise lost... The place we always long after, the place we did loose when we felt separate first time from our mother and felt not loved or seen. A place where everything can become right again, where we heal and blossom... But is Rome a place for solitude? Is life made for living alone. Will You find your Rome with your sweetheart? Where is Rome if not around the Trevi fountain? We will see - I will come back with all of it or parts of it after I learn to paste and clue or I will have a moment to wonder on and create more unique Rome. Hope You will tell me everything about Your Rome.